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Failure, and Entitlement
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this section, we will examine more maladaptive schemas that relate the wider world
to a client diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder's sense of reality:
exclusion, vulnerability, failure, and entitlement.
4 Maladaptive Schemas
♦ Schema # 1. Exclusion
first of these types of maladaptive schemas is known as exclusion. This occurs
when, obviously, the Borderline Personality diagnosed client experiences a great
sense of isolation from a central social group or family. The effects of this
can range to reclusion from other activities, feelings of anxiety, especially in
larger groups, and a deep sadness from being lonely.
Sonia, age 23, one of the
clients I treated for BPD, experienced this while being raised by her single father.
Sonia related to me, "My dad didn't know how to deal with women. It was almost
like he was afraid of me. My brother was the favorite, and it was so obvious;
he didn't even try to hide it. Whenever a big game was on TV, he and my brother
would ensconce themselves in the sofa the entire day and just yell like damn maniacs
at the screen. When I came into the room to join them, the only time my father
addressed me was when he needed his chips bowl filled. My brother was the kid;
I was the bowl filler. Even during the holidays, I wasn't really a part of the
family. For my 18th birthday, my dad bought me a Barbie doll. 'Thanks dad. I'm
18. I'm gonna go buy a pack of cigs now.' A Barbie doll. Jesus. And then
he bought my brother a Nintendo. What the hell?"
Sonia's conflict and alienation
from her father soon crept into her relationship. She stated, "I was never in an active
relationship. I never really took part. I expected my boyfriend to do all the
reaching out. I guess I was just so sick of trying to connect with someone, I
just gave up." Sonia's feelings of isolation incorporated an exclusion schema
that resulted in the ingrained belief that despite her efforts, a warm, affectionate
relationship was not achievable.
♦ Schema # 2. Vulnerability
second type of a wider world maladaptive schema is called vulnerability. At the
core of this schema lies a sense of loss of control. A BPD diagnosed client suffering
from the vulnerability schema generally has an almost paranoid belief that something
awful could happen at any moment and that they are powerless to prevent it. Ordinary
fears escalate out of control into what's called catastrophizing.
year old Todd, a vulnerable BPD diagnosed client of mine, related this story to
me. She said, "When I was fourteen, my father had a near-fatal heart attack. As he
was recuperating, he told me, 'You're the only reason I'm trying to live.'
I began to fear that his very life depended on me. I worry about everyone in my
life. Like, anything could happen to anyone I'm close to. My mother used to do
the same. When I went out, she'd ask, 'Do you have your keys? Your money?
Don't forget to buckle up!' I always got the hidden message that something
bad might happen. Now I do the same thing. I got into a huge fight with my girlfriend
when she came to pick me up from work because her really old car didn't have seatbelts.
I wouldn't get in. I knew that if I got in, we would crash and I would break my
neck. I told her that she didn't care about me, and we broke up two days later."
Todd's overwhelming sense of vulnerability leaves him incapable of feeling safe, and soon his fear developed into an almost phobia.
♦ Schema # 3. Failure
In addition to exclusion and vulnerability, the third type of wider world maladaptive
schemas is failure. This type of schema leads a client diagnosed with BPD to fervently
believe that no matter their success, they just are not worthy. This can stem
from early taunting by siblings, classmates, or a constant comparison with very
Forty-three year old Julie, a BPD diagnosed client who maintained
an intense failure schema, harshly criticized herself, even though she had become
a partner in her law firm. Julie stated, "Kids can be cruel to each other. Someone has to put someone else down to make themselves feel better and that happened
to me with certain family members. Or at school, the teacher would pick on you
and make you feel incredibly stupid in front of the entire class. And then if
you come home and someone else makes you feel the same way, you can begin to see
how you feel less-than not worthy--fraudulent. I just think that I got the promotion
because I'm good at fooling people."
As you can see, the idea of unworthiness
was so instilled by those Julie was close to that she soon became certain of
her inability to succeed. Think of your Julie. Does he or she feel an overwhelming
sense of failure? What do you think is the cause of this?
♦ Schema # 4. Entitlement
fourth type of schema that affects the way a BPD diagnosed client relates to the
wider world is entitlement. Unlike those with a failure schema, this type of client
feels an exaggerated sense of importance. They view life through a distorting lens that places them above everyone else.
Sixteen year old Angelina was a client
diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder who maintained an entitled schema. Angelina was an exceptional student, but her confidence in her intelligence soon
led her to become egotistical. She stated, "My mom always told me that I
didn't have to take shit from anybody because I know more than they do, and I'll
be more successful than them some day. I don't need to study. It comes naturally
to me. I hate it when people try to make a connection with me and their level
is miles below me."
Angelina's mother had a large effect on her entitlement
schema, implanting the view that a higher intelligence results in special privilege.
Angelina assimilated this into her everyday life and took her beliefs to an extreme.
Because BPD diagnosed clients are not aware that they are under
the sway of a maladaptive schema, I believe that the "Anecdote" exercise
helped Sonia, Todd, Julie, and Angelina recognize the various ways they react
to certain situations.
I asked each of them to invent a scenario and a conflict.
Then, I asked them to tell how they would react to that situation and what the
outcome might be.
Julie wrote, "Luanne's boyfriend, Samuel,
had planned a home cooked dinner for them on the night of their two year anniversary.
It had taken him three months to set the occasion in motion, and he had high hopes
of giving his girl a wonderful night. However, when it came time for Luanne to
show up at his door, she wasn't there. He waited an hour and a half. Until after
his twenty third phone call, Luanne picked up and told him, 'She didn't feel
like it tonight.' Broken and dejected, Samuel blew out the candles that had
burned to the nibs and put away the engagement ring he had taped to the bottom
of her chair."
I asked Julie why Luanne didn't go to
the dinner and she responded, "She was afraid. She knew about his proposal
and didn't think she could make him happy like he made her happy." I then
asked, "Do you think she's depriving herself of something?" Julie slowly
replied, "Yes. She's depriving herself of happiness she feels she might spoil."
having Luanne react in a way similar to Julie's mode of reaction, Julie could step
outside of her own schema and recognize the harm it was doing to her social and
In this section, we discussed exclusion, vulnerability,
failure, and entitlement.
In the next section, we will discuss
What are four maladaptive schemas that affect a BPD client's relationship
to the wider world? To select and enter your answer, go to .