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Section 3
Effect of Unemployment for Couples

Question 3 | Test | Table of Contents

In the last section we discussed how to help your client prepare for or process the "awful moment" of getting laid off. We also discussed how your client can identify their shock and listen to their body.

In this section, we will discuss how your client can tell his or her significant others about their recent unemployment.

One of the first tasks your client that has been laid off may have to do is to tell his or her family and loved ones about the situation. As you are aware this can be quite a challenge. Dana, who was mentioned in the previous section, had to decide who to tell about her recent layoff and when.

Dana shared with me the details of her layoff; emotions were still fresh in the session. If you recall from the previous section she stated, "The morning when the layoff happened, I walked into my boss’s office to drop off a report and I saw my termination letter on her computer screen. I wasn’t allowed to contact anyone. I have to say it was the most degrading way to be laid off and I hope I never have to go through it again." Dana was too embarrassed to tell her family so she continued to pretend to go to work until she could muster the courage to tell them. Here is what I shared with Dana.

Telling Spouses:
Dana decided the first person she would tell was her husband, Chuck. Since Dana had called her husband on her cellphone in the company parking lot, she had already told him before I saw her a week later. Dana told me, "He did not react as I expected him too. He seemed far more upset." While I couldn’t help Dana walk through how she could tell her husband about her layoff, we instead talked about how she could tell her significant others in order for her to better understand why her husband reacted the way he did.

I have found it is better for your client to tell her spouse when she gets home rather than calling from the office; simply due to the fact that the office may provide little or no privacy. A second reason is to consider the location at which the significant other will receive the call. If clients have a chance to prepare for the layoff I asked them to ask themselves, "Could my significant other possibly have a strong emotional reaction in a public place? Could he or she possibly be so upset and become unable to drive home safely." Thus if you have a client who feels strongly they are going to be laid off, you might discuss a plan for the timing of conveying that message to their significant other.

I remind my clients that if they delay telling their significant other until they get home they will have additional time to process the information more before they tell their significant others.

I stated to Dana, "Keep in mind since your husband is hearing this information for the first time, his initial response may be more emotional than you are expecting. He may ask you questions like, ‘How will we pay the bills?’ which you will not have the answer to. You can answer truthfully that you do not know." Dana responded, "Now it makes more sense that Chuck reacted the way he did. He was processing it and it was just as fresh for him as it was for me."

In Dana's case her husband Chuck immediately started giving solutions that Dana was not ready for. You might consider having your client practice calmly replying that she most likely cannot find a job immediately and is are not ready to work on solutions in this moment, but instead need needs time to absorb the shock.

I encouraged Dana to give herself time after her layoff to let her emotions out before taking another job offer. I stated, "If you are fortunate enough to immediately start another job, it is extremely important that you consciously take time to clear mind your mind to make a good decision; and approach the new position with a positive mindset; rather than reeling from the pain of your recent discharge."

Telling Children:
Of course, the way your client shares the news of his or her layoff or firing with his or her children will depend on their age. Here are some age appropriate tips to consider sharing with your client:

4 to 6 years old-
For clients with 4 to 6 year olds, I state, "At this age, of course, they will not have a clear understanding about how devastating the loss is to you." Your client may find, like my clients have, that their children’s anxieties may manifest themselves in their children's loss of bladder control, loss of appetite, or sleeping problems. Linda has a 4 year old daughter, Haley, and she said, "Knowing what Haley will be able to handle and comprehend really helped me tailor what I can and cannot say to her." Are you currently treating a client with whom you need to review the importance of talking with their children about the fears they are experiencing surrounding your client’s job loss?

7 to 12 years old-
At 7 to 12 years old, your client's children will be able to understand what a job loss means but will probably not understand how devastating it is for your client. They may become very clingy when they sense the tension in the home and your client may see signs such as trouble in school, antisocial behavior, hypochondria, or more aggression. To ease their anxiety, have your client inform their children to the level of their understanding, of the specific steps you are taking to seek employment. For example, Dana stated to her 12-year-old daughter, Leah, "This evening I'm going to look on the Internet for jobs for which I am qualified. Let's see what turns up."

Teens-
It is most likely that your client’s teen will be worried about how the job loss is going to affect them and the family money. Your client will find it harder to get out of their teenager what is specifically bothering them. Have your client focus their discussion with their teen that they will keep changes to the very minimum and will include them in discussions about major changes. If your client does not intend to include their teen in the decision making process as they make new career choices, encourage your client to give their teen a chance to give their opinion before your client explains their decision to their teen.

Grown Children-
Your client’s grown children will probably worry about your client and may ask if your client needs help financially. They may even become a part of your client’s support network so encourage your client to be open to this happening. Make sure that they feel that they are still a part of your client’s life by encouraging your client to not put up a wall.

I shared with Dana the valuable lesson that she could instill in her children through this experience. I stated to her, "Even if you don’t consciously teach them, they will be learning about how to deal with adversity based on how you deal with the situation."

Telling Friends:
Your client’s friends can serve as a valuable support network for your client. They can also be a good source for new job opportunities. For your client to begin telling their friends, encourage your client to identify the friends they want as part of their emotional support team and those that they think can help them with their job search. I had Dana make a list of five friends she knew she could lean on for support and five friends that would have job connections who would be willing to help her with her job search. I encouraged Dana to contact her emotional support list first to begin the emotional support. I explained to Dana that this process is a two way street. I stated to her, "Don’t become so self-absorbed that you don’t pick up on the signs when one of your friends from your emotional support team needs support. It is about finding a balance between getting the emotional support you need and helping your friends with their needs. Let your friends know that you are there for them and want to hear their good news."

Do you have a recently unemployed client, like Dana, that needs guidance telling their loved ones about their recent unemployment?

In this section, we discussed how your client can tell his or her significant others about their recent unemployment. When it comes to talking to their spouses, I remind my clients that if they delay telling their significant other until they get home they will have additional time to process the information more before they tell their significant others. Additionally, if your client’s spouse starts giving solutions that your client is not ready for, your client can calmly reply that they are not ready to work on solutions but instead need time to absorb the shock. When telling his or her children, your clients may want to approach the subject of his or her unemployment in different ways depending on his or her children’s age and their ability to comprehend the situation. When telling friends about his or her unemployment, your clients may want to identify friends he or she wants as part of his or her emotional support team and friends he or she thinks can help your client with his or her job search.

In the next section, we will discuss how your clients facing unemployment can raise funds to help their family financially during their unemployment. We will also discuss tips for your clients to help them prepare for the interview for their potential new job.

Source: Epstein 33-40
Reviewed 2023

Peer-Reviewed Journal Article References:
Chatzisarantis, N. L. D., Kamarova, S., Twomey, C., Hansen, G., Harris, M., Windus, J., Bateson, A., & Hagger, M. S. (2021). Relationships between health promoting activities, life satisfaction, and depressive symptoms in unemployed individuals. European Journal of Health Psychology, 28(1), 1–12.

French, K. A., Dumani, S., Allen, T. D., & Shockley, K. M. (2018). A meta-analysis of work–family conflict and social support. Psychological Bulletin, 144(3), 284–314.

Galatzer-Levy, I. R., Bonanno, G. A., & Mancini, A. D. (2010). From marianthal to latent growth mixture modeling: A return to the exploration of individual differences in response to unemployment. Journal of Neuroscience, Psychology, and Economics, 3(2), 116–125. 

Luhmann, M., Weiss, P., Hosoya, G., & Eid, M. (2014). Honey, I got fired! A longitudinal dyadic analysis of the effect of unemployment on life satisfaction in couples. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 107(1), 163–180.

Zhou, Y., Zou, M., Woods, S. A., & Wu, C.-H. (2019). The restorative effect of work after unemployment: An intraindividual analysis of subjective well-being recovery through reemployment. Journal of Applied Psychology, 104(9), 1195–1206.

QUESTION 3
If your client’s spouse starts giving solutions that your client is not ready for, what should they do? To select and enter your answer go to Test.

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