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Appendix - Reproducible Client Worksheets

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The "Assessing the Cost of Anger and the Non-Defensive Attitude" Technique
Replay CD Track 1 for more information on this technique.
Client uses a scale of 0-4, with 0 being "no effect" and 4 being "major effect," rating the impact of his anger towards possible anger-triggers.  Client looks for patterns in his anger.

The "Non-Defensive Attitude" Technique
Replay CD Track 1 for more information on this technique.
Client asks himself five questions when he feels his anger rising.
            1.)  Why do I have to be in control of the situation?
            2.)  Can I allow another person to control part of it?
            3.)  Can I share control with this other person?
            4.)  If I lose control, what is the worst that might happen?
            5.)  Does this situation matter this much to me?

The "Write in an Anger Journal" Technique
Replay CD Track 2 for more information on this technique.
Client writes in an anger journal, using four questions:
            1.  What stresses preexisted my anger?
            2.  What trigger thoughts did I use?
            3.  Was I angry or was I feeling some other kind of stress before the trigger statements?
            4.  Was some of my preexisting stress blocked or discharged by the anger?

The "Inner Rules" Technique
Replay CD Track 3 for more information on this technique.
Every system—whether it is work, school, family life…etc.—has its rules.  When the system rules match the client’s own inner rules, he is likely to do what others expect, even when its not in his best interest.

The "Analyze Your Anger" Technique
Replay CD Track 4 for more information on this technique.
Client analyzes his or her anger using eight questions:
            1.  What stress underlies my anger?
            2.  What were my trigger thoughts?
            3.  Are there more effective strategies than anger for reinforcing others to meet my needs?
            4.  What can I do to meet my own needs and reduce my stress?
5.  Can I find other sources of support, nourishment, or appreciation besides the person with whom I feel angry?
6.  What limits do I want to set but feel afraid to acknowledge or insist on?
            7.  How can I negotiate for what I want?
            8.  How might I eventually let go?

The "Stand in Their Shoes" Technique
Replay CD Track 5 for more information on this technique.
Client asks four questions to explain the behavior he or she doesn’t like from another’s point of view:
            1.  What needs influence him or her to act in this way?
            2.  What beliefs or values influence him or her to act in this way?
            3.  What aspects of his or her history influence this behavior?
            4.  What limitations influence this behavior?

The "Pros and Cons" Technique
Replay CD Track 5 for more information on this technique.
When client feels tempted to "let it out," he or she makes four columns on a piece of paper.  The first two columns were the positive and negative short-term consequences for letting it out.  The second two columns were the positive and negative long-term consequences of letting it out.  At the end of the exercise, client asks, "Did anger get me what I wanted?"

The "Components of Awareness" Technique
Replay CD Track 6 for more information on this technique.
Client thinks of someone he or she knows well, whom he or she has blamed at some point.  Next, he or she thinks of a decision that person made that angered him or her.  Third, he or she tries to reconstruct the decision from that person’s point of view.  Client tries to see how these factors could combine so that his or her decision was the best choice available.

Technique: Finding Shades of Gray
Replay CD Track 6 for more information on this technique.
Client writes a complete description of someone he or she knows well and cares about, but with whom he or she also feels angry.  Client reads over his or her description.  How many of the items are judgments, implying that a characteristic is either good or bad?  Client tries to make the descriptions neutral.  Instead of saying, "He’s fat," say, "He weighs 250 pounds."  Stick to the facts.

The "Ask Before Assuming" Technique
Replay CD Track 6 for more information on this technique.
 For one day client makes a commitment that he or she will make absolutely no assumptions about the motivations of others unless he or she checks out his or her assumptions with the other person.

The "Never Say Never" Technique
Replay CD Track 6 for more information on this technique.
For one day, client eliminates "all, always, every, never, terrible, awful, disgusting, horrible, sickening…etc." from his or her vocabulary.  Client commits him- or herself to describing people and events without magnifying, striving for accuracy rather than exaggeration.

The "Scanning Your Body for Stress" Technique
Replay CD Track 7 for more information on this technique.
Client controls stress by recognizing how and where tension is affecting the body.
 
The "Breathing Away Stress" Technique
Replay CD Track 7 for more information on this technique.
Client attempts to breathe deeply and with focus.

The "Progressive Muscle Relaxation" Technique
Client attempts to relax his or her muscles one at a time.

The "Meditation" Technique
Replay CD Track 7 for more information on this technique.
 
1.         Go to a quiet place and center yourself.  Assume the posture of your choice.  Scan your body for tension and relax.
2.         Breathe through your nose.  Inhale, exhale, then pause.  Become aware of your breathing.
3.         As you exhale, say the word "one" to yourself.  Repeat this with each exhale.
4.         When you get distracted, let go of your thoughts and return to saying "one."  Do this for 10-20 minutes at a time.

The "Time-Out" Technique
Replay CD Track 9 for more information on this technique.
When client notices early warning signs, he or she may decide that a time-out is needed.  Client communicates this need by using the "T" sign made with his or her hands.  The signal means that it is time to separate for a while.

The "Checking it Out" Technique
Replay CD Track 10 for more information on this technique.
When something confusing is happening in an interaction, one person in an exchange can say, "I observe________, and I imagine________, Is that right?"  It’s now the other person’s turn to give feedback.  "Yes, I am doing ________, but I’m thinking or feeling ________.

The "Voices from the Past" Technique
Replay CD Track 10 for more information on this technique.
When client suspects that he or she is reacting to a "voice from the past" rather than the other person present, he or she writes down the answers to these questions:
1.         Describe the provoking person’s physical characteristics.
2.         Describe the tone of voice, gestures, body language, and facial expressions.
3.         Describe the nature of the conflict.  Is it a struggle for control?  Do you feel devalued?
4.         Describe your feelings in the conflict.

The "Statements for Preparing for Confrontation" Technique
Replay CD Track 11 for more information on this technique.
There are four parts to preparing for a confrontation.  These include reassurance, stopping trigger thoughts, physiological coping and sticking to the task.  Client prepares a statement for each one to say to him- or herself when preparing for a confrontation.

The "Statements for Coping with Confrontation" Technique
Replay CD Track 11 for more information on this technique.
There are four parts to coping with confrontation.  Like preparing for a confrontation, these include physiological coping and sticking to the task.  They also include  coping with arousal and coping with an angry person.  Client prepares a statement for each one to say to him- or herself for coping with a confrontation.

The "Statements for Coping in Retrospect" Technique
Replay CD Track 11 for more information on this technique.
Client prepares a coping mantra for when a problem is unresolved and also when a conflict is resolved successfully.

Technique:  The Salesman
Replay CD Track 13 for more information on this technique.
Client begins a line of questions to uncover the feelings and needs that lie behind another person’s resistance.  The technique consists of three questions
1.  What do you need in this situation?
2.  What concerns or worries you in this situation?
3.  What is hurting or bothering you in this situation?


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